Suzanne, like psilocybin, takes you down

God & I haven't blogged in ages. First thing happening, Wednesday I had a follow-up to my surgery with Dr. Stremcha in which he prescribed a new lens for me that created slightly better vision in my left eye. Then I came back to the Layout for lunch. After that I had Car-girl on a Wednesday as she couldn't make it on our previous date. Her "world-famous" high school teacher agrees with Cheri (& Lisa) that twins run in families, but I think they're all full of shit & will shortly be looking it up. Then Trish & I saw Suzanne, who was very grumpy; she claimed she was tired. She increased both our Risperdals, & then we went to Vickie's going-away party & had cake with a couple other people.

Yesterday was Car-girl, too, except instead of writing I watched The Wall as Wednesday night Jeffer Auss soldered in the 250 Hz crossover for my 15-inch woofers. I didn't mention twinning when Car-girl took us to Bi-Mart for dishwasher detergent & the Buckadingdong Store for fruit. We sat around at John's Tacos for a bit while I discussed my vision & politics, which is not something I like to get into with her. When Trish came home we finished our leftover sketti. Around 6:00 we called Hope as we'd received a letter from her -- 2nd one in 2 days -- & she was all worried about my vision. Trish-uh! called around 8:30 & wants to dye Trish's hair tonight.

Sunday blues

Trish is gone now. What a nightmare a couple days ago -- she commited suicide with the aid of a Kavorkian-like doctor & I encouraged her, then felt bad when I couldn't hear her voice anymore & realized it was forever. Sometimes I wonder about our marriage: I know it's forever; truly, madly, deeply; then I get on the Internet & seek out slim she-wannas. Then I feel guilty, but apart from Kimothy Leery haven't been exasperating VADIS -- I'm still upset over the rejection of Mindstorm, but perhaps should hold out on submitting it until I have a couple pro sales. Then I'll really have the groupies, but teenage D.A.R.E. brats want my Dick & not my Philip K. Fantasy.

Trish is at work. Say Bra had her come in an extra day because of all the time she missed. Yesterday was a pretty typical Saturday -- we stocked up on raviolis at Albertson's -- but went to church in the evening, followed by El Taco Loco. We called Trish's mom after that. Today she got up early & it screwed up her med schedule; I'll have to help her. I did get on the phone to Ruby's Inn & they're expensive, but give you free brecchie. That's one Cathedral I don't really miss because of the Karen Relationship or the skinny dog.

The days & nites of torment

My cataract surgery was Wednesday, Tuesday was the dentist. I fixed Breakfast of Pancakes, then we hung around at home, waiting for Car-girl. She said she wanted to be on Dawn's Highway by 12:30, so Trish & I planned on the Soup Kitchen, then she wanted a Scooby snack, so we ate some of our canned stuff & a ham sandwich -- left-over ham from Easter. Car-girl had to stop at Arctic Circle & get herself a salad, which took forever, so she had to speed to get there on time. Trish had a minor filling, but I have an abcess & need a root canal (for the Rootboy).

Wednesday Trish had planned on eating her breakfast of cereal, but didn't get out of bed on time & I lost the cap for an eyedrop, so we got up there on time with Trish hungry, so I gave her a couple buckadingdongs for breakfast in the cafeteria. Although they took me in at 8:00, Dr. Boes' 2nd patient -- I was his 6th -- had complications so it was noon before I finally got out of there. We ate lunch at El Taco Loco, then I watched TV all day & Trish fixed macaroni & cheese for supper.

Thursday we went to the Center. I wanted us to take out the money from the bank for airline tickets, but they jacked the rates up on us, so we're going to MisCon instead. Back at the Center, Mary fixed tater tot casserole & then I had TA with Car-girl. We mostly just did some grocery shopping & had pie & coffee at the mall, which is pretty much what we did yesterday, except there was no mall, we did laundry, & Dr. Obie checked my pressure 'cause Dr. Boes faxed him about it.

The main problem I'm having now is that the agent I sent my stuff to recycled it & sent back a goddamn fucking stupid form letter. He will certainly be typewriter-tormented when my Slime-thing becomes a best seller. I'm not doing any more writing until shot day, so I'm not certain what I'm going to be doing today. I do want to check out the preditorsandeditors page, though. Mindstorm may be a tough sell because it's so unique, & the "genre" materials may not sell to a mainstream agent. I did finally hear on "Fragile Eggshell Mind" from Oceans of the Mind -- it didn't fit with any of their themed anthologies, but am optimistic that "Astronomy Domine" will make it into their alternate histories issue.

Fucking stupid agent, I wish I could forget about him.

return of Dentist the Mentalist

Trish is sleeping until 8:00 this morning. Shortly after the alarm clock goes off, I'll be fixing Breakfast of Pancakes. We have a lot of running around to do today before we leave to see the dentist. Yesterday, though, was a pretty typical work day for Trish. Car-girl gave her a ride due to chill temperatures while I stayed home from the Layout & ate leftover pork loin & rice pilaf with celery soup. The big news is that I was actually able to do a crit for Critters: Alissa Grosso's work. I just hope that she isn't mad because I called the ending cliched. Bumble Bee Girl got a ride home with Jeremy (no relation to Otis) & ate her salad & ham sandwich. After her shower -- & no Penguins -- I fixed scalped potatoes-&-ham, then we cleaned Smelly Bear's cage. I found The Last Action Hero on Showtime, but napped most of the way thru it as I had a sleepless night the night before. Tonight I'm going to bed early as tomorrow I have to be at the Invisible Hospital at 8:00 for my cataract surgery. Car-girl & my Beautiful Blonde (yeah, she's a Dyer) Bumble Bee Girl will be with me. Hopefully, some of my vision will be restored.

sleepless in Invisible

Just got offline with some married woman in China, which I suppose proves to George W. Bush & the Department of Homeland Security that I'm a dangerous terrorist. President Gas is President Gas again! Actually, I broke away from her because her husband was "addicted" to antidepressants & was taking herbs instead. Bunch of barbarians.

So last night I had trouble sleeping. John had called right around bedtime, & insisted that he knows more about Judas than I do, specifically that the 4G are "older than the 'Gnostic Gospels'", which is extremely dubious. But then, he's redeemed thru pain & not thru joy.

So the day started off with me online, surfing cyberspace up unti the point where we went to Church -- 10:00 in order to beat the crowd. Afterwards we went to El Taco Loco, but Crazy Tacos, besides being my brother, was closed. We came home & tried Pizza Hut -- closed until 4:00. Finally, we made ham sandwiches & Campbell's spaghetti, which either came from Bi-Mart or the Buckadingdong Store -- hey, dig this, Clean Noncoream got a job there & is still hauling stuff off to the pawn shop; a little too many submarines.

So while Trish napped first, then cleaned, I went down in the basement to watch The Wall & get my eyes excited. Since she wasn't done when the wall exploded I put on my Blondie. She came down to see, then we both went back upstairs to watch Pink Floyd Pulse & order our pizza: Italian sausage stuffed crust; a can of pineapple at bedtime.

I watched Tommy on Showtime while Trish played Penguins, then read my latest attempt at the fantastic. I think that I'm pretty much done with it, but want to write a real atomic cover letter to Sheila Williams, whose Azimuth I can no longer reach because the print's too small, even with a magnifying glass -- today I'm going to try a crit.

Trish liked this draft of Skyfight, but it took forever for her to finish it, so we weren't able to clean Smelly Bear's cage before bedtime. Then I woke up at 4:00 -- I think my vision's the source of my problems, & the Chinese woman can cram her herbs up her ass.

Sonna-sonna-hey

It's been a long weekend, sightless & Bible black -- at least in my right eye. Today I put in my first drop of Goopum, the same Goopum that cost me $60 from Western Drug. (There is no longer a Dawn's Drugs but it's a block from Dawn's Highway.)

Friday I went over to the drugstore (Dawn or otherwise) to pick up some Depakote & Alphagen while Trish was at her McPizza meeting. We had to drag her out of bed by 7:30 to get her there on time, & I had a whole day without her. After awhile I decided to check out the Layout; the Layout was closed; I ate at the Soup Kitchen, salvation a la mode or at least corned beef & cabbage. I'm still revising Skyfight with the intentions of sending it to Asimov's, but have been doing a lot more with my entertainent center now that the night's setting in. When we called Fred he said he was going to be singing the Gospel of John at Mass, but I was watching something & Trish was playing Penguins.

Saturday Karen our Kaseworker (not the skinny dog kind) took us out to PJs for brecchie & we both had a Full House: eggs, sausage, hash browns & toast. Karen dropped us off at Albertson's along with a $25 check for groceries, & we used $26. When I arrived at the house I checked the fridge: pork loins, which we'd taken out the night before; no rice, no soup; I ran back to Albertson's. On the way home Wendy yelled at me about the Soup Kitchen meal; wasn't hungry so I didn't want to eat. Then I watched The Wrath of Khan on the TV in the basement while Trish cleaned.

Since Fred had told us the 10 Commandments would've been on Saturday but we didn't want to stay up late watching it I'd been to the Invisible Library; a documentary & not the movie. Trish finally went over to the Invisible Vid-Store after we'd eaten supper after Beavis & Butt-head do America & picked up JC Superstar. The tape was 1/2-busted & made me wonder -- as in the recent scholarly study of the Gospel of Judas -- just how much of this was actually "history".

Trish fell asleep pretty early last night, for her. Friday she was up to 2:30 worrying about money -- it isn't helping that the washing machine is starting to bust. This is clearly a manic symptom & requires either more Lamictal or more Risperdal, & hopefully there won't be idiots like the Church-a-tologists or I Ron Steele in the 26th Century. In fact, let's get rid of them as fast as possible in this century.

My Beautiful Blonde Bumble Bee Girl is still asleep. I write this wondering how long I can continue writing. Tomorrow I'll take a final look at Skyfight before mailing it to Azimuth, then there's the dentist appointment, then there's the eye surgery, & after that I can work on "Relayer" as I think it's up on Critters Wednesday. I still haven't done a crit since my trifocals came in, but I'm waiting for the "Critters misses you" note & will struggle as best I can with the email.

I think I shut the Pilate light (sonna-ho) off too early last night when Trish & I were having trouble sleeping. It's supposed to snow tomorrow.

After Champions of Breakfast yesterday, cold cereal today & then either El Taco Loco or Subway after church.

Easter Sunday, day is dawning.

what a day for a daydream

...or the Savage Id. Rootboy's revenge still hasn't been rejected by the Ned Leavitt Agency, & if I wasn't feeling such savage dread I'd start to send out more query letters. It's just that with the eyes having it (& fuck NORML Bean about as much as Church-a-tology) I know I couldn't do justice to the project. I'm also still waiting to hear from Platinum Studios on the cosmicomics, but "that Leonardo guy" says that he's putting it on "the fast track, um faster-track to review". This too would be a glorious day for the Id.

All we did yesterday was to pick up McDonald's Girl from Pizza the Hutt & Rootboy's schizophrenia has really kicked in, hasn't it? I ate too much, then took Trish out to El Taco Loco when Trish-uh! cancelled on her driving lesson. I went to bed early -- & woke up around 4:00, got up around 5:00. I'll probably take a nap today. I probably have to.

manic Monday

OK, so I didn't capitalize "manic", something BJ Thrower would've done, that insufferable bitch who turned around & hated me after I accused Brian Hopkins of plagiarization, her excuse being, "I'm a totally minor author". Stupid dildo. I hope I never have to meet her. Maybe I'll have to put her into the Invisible Hog. The world famous NJ Weedman already has a role, assuming he wants it. He could be heroes, for more than one day -- I don't know what to do with the BJ bitch, probably turn her into a hooker. Neurosurgeons scream for more!

So Sunday the mighty Insect Slayer cooked breakfast -- lemon poppyseed muffins; bear licks the honey off the muffins. We went to Palm Sunday Mass with a can of tomatoes & Fr. agreed to anoint me -- there is water in fire; there is fire in a chrism. I spent the afternoon listening to Lou Reed, B-52s, Jethro Tull & a double-disc King Crimson. I watched LOTR in the evening -- the stereo's starting to bust; the crackling sound's back. Or at least it was until I turned off the EQ. My crossover components are here at Perky Pam's, so I won't need to boost the bass anymore, anyway. A 91 db efficiency on the part of the woofers should result in a louder bass. Currently, the 6-1/2" driver is handling a lot of that, & it's inefficient.

After the King returned & before he was Crimson this morning Trish watched the Buffster. I woke up before 5:00 again this morning so tonight I might take 3 sleeping pills -- but since Perky Pam is putting a spike into my vein today (& fuck the Science of Church-a-tology) I may be able to do with just 2. Now I must check my email & work on TC.

Blue (Palm) Sunday

Yeah, & I had a good talk about X-ianity the other night with Hope. Specifically, we called to let her know about the cataract surgery & Trish wanted to know what Church she's going to, now that she's done tripping on the LDS. She said none, the church is too far away, but she's doing Bible study. The Gospel of Judas was recently released, & although Hope would probably be mortified I bet the skinny dog makes it into her new conspiracy/cover-up.

So yesterday was all cleaning for Trish, apart from a morning playing Penguins. I decided to wait with the re-make/re-model of TC until Monday, when Trish has physical therapy. She also does Tuesday, so even though tomorrow Perky Pam puts a spike into my vein I'll have the draft sufficiently ready for Ted to work on it.

We ate at the soup kitchen, who had some kind of chicken-potato dish & a bowl of corn chowder. Then we spent the rest of the food stamp card at Albertson's, where we picked up a huge roast for Trish to cook in her crock pot. She cleaned all afternoon while I listened to CDs. Maybe I'm letting the impending cataract surgery scare me, but I'm a little depressed now which makes it hard to write. I do like to listen to the stereo in the Captain's chair, though. Trish watched Coyote Ugly while I took a bath. We had macaroni & cheese for supper & then watched LOTR until 8:30. Just the first 1/2 of #3; it's too long to watch in one sitting. At least I had a chance to watch something that I wanted to, & we gave the Buffster a rest. Battlestar Galactica is the new Buffy, anyway.

So today is Palm Sunday. Trish will be making muffins in a few minutes, & after church will be Taco Loco time.

eyesight to the blind (you talk about your women)

A lot happened yesterday. I fixed Trish her breakfast of pancakes after our breakfast of hamsters -- Smelly Bear is learning that my voice = food & comes running when I put out the seeds & nuts.

I had an appointment with Dr. Boes at 10:00, so I left Trish behind with the stereo running & all set for work. I arrived awhile before they called me. One of the techs took down some info, then they returned me to the waiting room. While I was out there Trish called -- she had diarrhea & wanted to ask my approval of her staying home the day. I told her to take a pink pill & Say Bra. Then they called me back, moved me around a couple times, & Boes measured my pressures -- 15 & 11; the eyedrops are functioning fine. He took a look at the macular hole Stremcha had diagnosed & concluded it's a pseudo-hole due to scar tissue. He dilated my pupils, sent me back to the waiting room, then examined me some more with lights & mirrors. He decided that the cataract in my right eye has to go. Some woman set me up for surgery on the 19th. I want to be with Trish when it happens, but it shouldn't require as much help at home as the last few surgeries as it's in my "bad" eye, to use a Miltie-ism. (Fucking moron anyway.)

When I came home Trish was watching Britney Spears & apparently Say Bra had gone along with her staying home. We watched her DVD for awhile, then we had raviolis for lunch. I had a cheese sandwich, too, but Trish lost her appetite with worry -- it can't make things worse; it can only make them better.

The doctor had prescribed some drops to use 3 days before the surgery. After giving them plenty of time to fill them, I ran over to Dawn's Drugs, just one block removed from Dawn's Highway -- & found out that Medicare will not pay for them. They were $63 a bottle, so now we have Karen saying we may not have enough money for our trip -- which is like, her refund's in the bank; all we need is 30 buckadingdongs for the airplane tickets & a Car-girl to take us to the airport. It shouldn't really hurt us. Who knows? One of my short stories might sell or I might find an agent. Reminds me -- I ran that silly fantasy that idiot David Dalglish wrote thru Google, & it remains unpublished. Arrogant prick, he doesn't deserve to have anything published, especially not an over-long piece of mediocre sword-&-sorcery.

After lunch Trish played Penguins for awhile, took a nap, & rose like Jesus laughing from the tree to do pots-&-pans by hand. I mostly just sat around listening to that old, gold, story of mercy or whatever; I think it was actually the Ferry man. I cooked some chicken thighs for supper. I watched Godzilla (re-make/re-model), but it being a so-so movie decided to call Hope. She's doing fine. We also tried Trish's mom & brother Kenneth but got the answering machine. After Godzilla I disappointed Trish by wanting to watch The 70s Show instead of Buffy. I asked if we could watch LOTR over the weekend & think we may have reached some compromise there.

This morning I woke up & had Albertson's brand Crispy Corn. We eat very little cereal with Trish's breakfast of pancakes. We do have to go grocery shopping this noon hour, after the soup kitchen. This month they gave us $31 in food stamps, which is $5 more than we had been getting. I need to buy some meat with it; I think that they still have those mass quantities we can put into freezer bags. Assuming Trish is recovered from her stomach bug she'll be doing some more cleaning.

return of the Perky Pam Layout

Monday Trish had to get up early as she was supposed to have an appointment with Dr. Vickie. It was even worse as she wasn't used to the time change yet. This is the inception of daylight time -- & I, too, was robbed of sleep as I had insomnia again, so without the time change it would've been 4:20 when I got up & maybe if I had some I could wright. My medication allows me to write & fuck the Science of Church-a-tology, but now I'm afraid I may have to drop out of Critters over my vision. I see Boes Friday & maybe he'll know what to do about the hole in my macula.

So we got Trish up & fixed the famous Breakfast of Pancakes after feeding the small, furry creature Breakfast of Hamsters. Trish had to quit drinking coffee after her 2nd cup, then we trucked over to the Layout, only to (later) find out that Vickie had thought the appointment was next Tuesday. We hung around upstairs until the Layout opened, after considering whether we should return home for a nap. Trish-uh! was working yesterday, though, so we decided to stay. Trish talked Brian into a ride for a couple buckadingdongs after we went to the bank for a couple of buckadingdongs.

When Trish left the Unleery Kimothy arrived & played with the computer some while some new guy did nothing but sit around & make noise on the piano. He wasn't even playing it badly, he was just making noise. I considered going over there & showing him chords, but chickened out. Trish-uh! fixed scalped potatoes & ham for lunch, & a small piece of cake. & actual vegetables rather than Cheri's canned corn or salad.

I came home &, being exhausted, didn't fiddle around with the keyboard much, like I'd wanted to while waiting for Car-girl. She showed up at 1:15 & then we had to split because we had no time to waste. We went up to Bi-Mart for beer (Car-girl is having a karaoke party Friday) & to PJ's as Trish had physical therapy & a Medicaid Transport ride back. The waitress kept squeezing me on the arm so I made sure to let her know I'm a married man. Not that she wasn't cute. Car-girl dropped me off at Fat Albertson's & I picked up the rest of the ingredients for a tater tot casserole. We have a huge bag of tater tots I picked up when they were on sale. Burned out beyond dog-yummies, I watched The Wall up to the point where I realized we were out of eggs (for today's Breakfast of Pancakes) & ran over to McLean's. Fortunately the food stamp card was all charged up. They gave us $31 this month instead of $26.

Trish came home from work & watched Britney Spears (at least it's not the Nelsons) while I cooked our casserole, then took a bath while I watched The Mask of Zorro on Showtime. She told me she had an accident at work & overheard her boss saying if Christy would've been hurt it might've jeopardized her raise, so I'm glad Trish might be making more money & that the other girl wasn't hurt when the stack of trays collapsed.

We went to bed early & I slept soundly. Today I hope to complete another draft of TC in order to send it to Ted in time for his vacation & his re-make/re-model. Once it's done I'm going to rework Skyfight & submit it to Critters for fine-tuning, assuming that I'm still in the group.

eyesight to the blind? maybe someday...

My vision is continuing to hamper my reading & "wrighting", my surfing the darkened seas of cyberia & my looking at hot books, particularly my Dick (though I don't think anything is available from him right now; maybe A Scanner Darkly will be re-released when the movie hits). So mostly I tried to do a crit the other day. I really tried; I mean, I wanted to: reading science fiction is just as essential as writing some every day, if you want to learn a craft that transcends the Invisible Hog. I therefore plugged in, turned on, & booted up, only to discover that I couldn't see the screen well enough to read very far. I'm still coasting on my MPCs, & I certainly think that I'll be able to have "Relayer" read -- but maybe the time has come to work on my own, despite the cultural Void of space opera movies. Battlestar Galactica is fun but stupid, just like the Trek/Wars genres in general.

Yesterday Trish didn't drive to work as she wasn't used to the time change. This is Dildo Savings Time. I didn't go to the Layout as I wanted to get something done on TC, as I have an April 13th deadline. The 14th is when Ted is going on vacation for a week, so I have to tell the backwards-story better by then. I finished up with a draft by 2:00 so I went out on my porch to wait for Trish to call.

Trish-uh! called but the ringer had accidentally been turned off so I had to pick up & redial. She was doing TA yesterday so we arranged for her to pick Trish up at Pizza Hut. When the 2 of them showed up 1/2 an hour later Trish-uh! had to pick up something for her grandmother, who the hospital in Great Falls is deliberately killing, if you believe Biggie & his bitch.

Then when she got back the van wouldn't start. She called Todd (a lad in Zane?) & his friend whatchamacallit, then Todd himself, appeared & hammered the starter back in place; his power drill shocks 1,000,000 miles away.

I did a painting (sunrise, sunset) & finally Trish arrived with her tank tops that were on sale at Bi-Mart & some stuff from the Buckadingdong Store. We went out to eat at El Taco Loco as Crazy Tacos sounded better than cooking.

When we returned from the taco joint (& I wish I had one) Trish wanted to find a goodbye card for Vickie & to burn Britney & neither one of those things worked out. The cards were all e-cards & the burner stalled on 83% on Britney, not that Karen (the non-Relationships one) cares. However, I did do a backup of My Documents so the evening wasn't wholly wasted.

We went to bed early & I woke up at 5:00 AM again, so tonite I'm taking 3 temazapam & fuck the Science of Church-a-tology. They kill people faster than Karen's fantasies, anyway.

again with the Ogdoad

This is the beginning of Daylight Savings Time, so I'm letting Trish sleep in a little -- but not too long; she has an appointment with Dr. Vickie Tuesday morning at 8:30. I just checked my email & found a little letter from Lucy. She may be in the Sky with Diamonds, but she's OK. More than OK, I regard her as a good friend.

Once she's out of bed Trish is going to clean the basement. She's on 1/2 the dose of Depakote, but so far hasn't seemed to decompensate. I hate it when there are exacerbations of her illness, but at least we both recognize the need for medicine & aren't like that stupid Science of Church-a-tology.

If only we could convince Biggie of his need for medicine. Yesterday Fearless Taco told me he's apparently closed down even his PO box. He's completely isolated himself from the world because of the skinny dog; ding-dong, the fat dog's dead. Yes, & we're going to make a comic strip about the Buddha dog 'cause really she's the smart one & eww! Slime-thing & the Invisible Hog -- well, we're not interested; the skinny dog's the world's greatest artist but has never sold a painting.

Taco also babbled a little about how Mother is "more alert" due to being on a lower dose of her medicine, but I just let him babble. His problem is that he's an authority on everything, even when he isn't. I didn't discuss my story with him for that reason; he merely would've complained about something that's irrelevant like the dark energy theme; he thinks he knows science because he's a mathematician but has no idea how to write a science fiction story. "Tohu-Bohu, which means the Void, does not need acid to see the Void" -- I don't see how he made it thru Common Core Humanities if that's his idea of how to handle a symbol. He also screwed me over on a draft of "To Fight in the Sky" when I asked about the science element by saying. "It's as sufficiently vague as anyone else's explanation" when Stan doesn't want "vague". He also tried to maintain that Ghost & the Machine is a "fantasy" because the core idea isn't doable by any known science. He's absolutely useless as a source of ideas. Maybe it's the cultural Void he lives in. I feel sorry for his child, with no TV & no Harry Potter. Come on, give the child a normal childhood & stop taking my Mother off medicines that help her because of the totally illogical bullshit argument that "it causes weight gain therefore, since she's holding steady, we have to cut her dose & I don't care if she's hallucinating as long as she's not a danger to herself." Oh well, at least Biggie didn't wind up having custody of her. Karen's herbs would've killed her faster than the Invisible Hospital ever would've.